Recent pictures of the Queen meeting with Mr David Cameron at Buckingham Palace expose the enormous height discrepancy between the monarch and the new prime minister. Experts who believe that the Queen is shrinking say that it is
- Artist’s impression of the shrinking monarch.
still too early to predict whether she will vanish and collapse in on herself, creating the first Royal Black Hole. A spokesman for the metropolitan police expressed “cautious optimism” today over hopes that the Royal Black Hole could ease rush-hour traffic in the vicinity of The Mall and Constitution Hill.
A Bad Guide 
Well, a black hole that size would evaporate in an instant. That would very likely help ease London congestion, yes.
I see she did end up making one of her corgies PM after all.
Since I read Alan Bennett’s THE UNCOMMON READER, I like her more than I used to.
But then I remember that it’s just a novel…
I second the merits of THE UNCOMMON READER. It’s a hoot.
How many Royal Black Holes would it take to fill (or empty?) the Royal Albert Hall?
Silie, views differ on the breeds of dogs involved.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8677799.stm
Oops, “Sili”. Silly of me; sorry.
I too loved The Uncommon Reader, The Habit Of Art, the January diary piece in the LRB, and everything else by Alan Bennett. I think the Queen is very smart and most probably a very nice and funny person once you get to know her (which I never will).
As for the power of a Royal Black Hole, I understand this is being investigated. There is a Royal Quite Large Hadron Collider in the grounds of Buckingham Palace. They are hoping to be able to accelerate the Queen around it soon on a series of “royal tours”.
Tony Blair in relation to the big strong USA reminded me a little of Chester the terrier in relation to Spike the big strong bulldog.
try that again
Maybe she’s shrinking only indirectly, and is in fact liquescing. This occurs to me because yesterday, in the honey section of the supermarket, I nearly bought a jar of Royal Jelly.
I think it’s a little bit rude of Boris to liken Cameron to a chihuahua.
Grumbly, I’m wondering what distinction you sensed between “liquescing” and “melting” to prompt the coinage. It does seem a slower process to me.
I’ll second The Habit of Art, which Crown gave me for Xmas, and look forward to The Uncommon Reader. Good titles.
what distinction you sensed between “liquescing” and “melting”
None at all, Mr. J ! It’s the results that are different, no matter how long they are acomin’. In one case you end up with a pile of small bones. In the other you end up with Royal Jelly.
Goodness! I had assumed that Royal Jelly was something minty they sold at Sainsbury’s.
Royal Jelly!
As far as I know, the Queen has no legs.
(visual footnote)
(actually, this is the story as I knew it, but with Victoria instead of “a Spanish queen”.)
Was Queen Victoria thought to move on wheels? A new pair of tyres might have been a more seemly gift than a pair of silk stockings.
When worker bees decide to make a new queen, either because the old one is weakening, or was killed, they choose several small larvae and feed them with copious amounts of royal jelly in specially constructed queen cells. … Royal Jelly is said to improve fertility in both men and women, in men by increasing the quality of their sperm … Royal jelly can also be found in some beauty products.
Some Germans regard it as a kind of health-food, like Blood-Cleansing Tea (Blutreinigungstee) and Dandelion Tea (French pissenlit, or piss-in-the-bed, because it is diuretic). I knew an old queen who thought that a diet of Royal Jelly would turn him into a young one. But I now see that he hadn’t paid close attention to the developmental details – the old ones are replaced by young ones. Of course you don’t have to go to the bees to learn that – an occasional glance into the bars every few decades will suffice.
Royal jelly may cause allergic reactions in humans ranging from hives, asthma, to even fatal anaphylaxis…
Bees may cause hives. Hmm.
Bees may cause hives to arise.
I seem to recall that the legs of grand pianos were also considered unseemly in Victorian times.
It was a bad time to be a centipede too.
Now all those “seem”s are making me think of silk stockings. In olden times a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking …